I went back to pen and paper

On private analog journaling in a digital consumerist madhouse

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Sometimes, the good old-fashioned way is still the best. Also, for the fountain pen folk, the pen here is a Jinhao. No idea what model or nib size, though. (Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash)

Kia ora (‘Hello’ in Maori) and welcome to Semi-Online #23, a.k.a. my first non-rundown newsletter in a long while.

In my newer posts, I said writer’s block and SSCD have kept me from writing anything. That’s true then and, unfortunately, even now. But there’s one positive development to report: since December 2024, I’ve been writing whenever I could… just not here.

Instead, I’ve revived my on-and-off journaling habit (or, as older generations call it, diary-writing), and I’ve been spending more time writing with budget/mid-range fountain pens and inks onto paper journals. I’ve found immense comfort and solace in it, and I did say I’d occasionally write about my low- and no-tech hobbies, so here we are.

No, I’m not showing you any of my handwritten pages. I will share this old ad, though. 😏

The digital dream is now dust

In a Substack note/comment exchange with

Niko Batallones

back in December 2024, I said I’d lost plenty of my digital data (mainly journals and photos from my college to rookie writer/journalist years) to corrupted hard drives and defunct online platforms. I thought then that digital data would somehow live forever (idiota, no? 😂). So I never backed anything up—and promptly lost my old blogs and accounts on Geocities, Friendster, and Multiply, as well as several .doc and .txt files serving as ‘journals’ up to 2009. What did survive made me cringe.

Around eight to ten jampacked years are missing from my so-called personal archive, including those years when I didn’t write anything down because life kept happening, and whatever I wrote down was either thrown away or lost. So entire milestones, experiences, and memories of mine are gone forever. This doesn’t matter much when you’re young and in the moment. But to middle-aged and brain-fogged Me who’s struggling to make sense of my pasts and present, it’s critical and heartbreaking.

I also told Niko I “would’ve fared better if I stuck with paper/analog.” Unlike my digital archive, I still have my old physical photo albums, diaries, and keepsakes. Look, I didn’t even try to preserve those, alright? They’re just here, still, somehow. 😆 Some are a bit worse for wear, but they’re fine despite several home moves and the occasional big decluttering/cleanups. I bet all of these hard copies will outlive me.

I’m not going to be annoying and ask, “Ako lang ba?”. I know everyone else is also tired of the online grind. Analog technology is in vogue again, and partly in response to widespread online overwhelm: from print books and magazines and newsletters to zines, vinyl records, flip phones or dumb phones, to CD players and Apple iPods and anything and everything else not needing a continuous internet connection. We have guides to ‘downgrading’ your smartphone; and the sales pitch for newer phone-makers like Light Phone, Punkt, and Mudita focuses entirely on minimalism and being ‘offline’.

I’ve gone retro, too. (From my Instagram Stories, February 2024)

We could look at journaling as a tiny part of a massive trend, the introvert’s equivalent of touching grass. But I’d also say it’s a natural consequence of leaving too many aspects of human life to the 0s and 1s. We’re realizing too late that we gave up too much in the name of convenience; and we want our time, sanity, and ownership¹ back.

Why I write before I type

We are now in Season 2025, episode 2.19 of The World, our long-running, user-generated, wild-ass documentary, drama, satire, war saga, or [INSERT YOUR GENRE OF CHOICE HERE] series. It’s a continuous barrage of bad news, bad people with bad motives, bad events, and bad consequences—all leading to worse versions of everything down the line.

I rely on escapism in times like these, like an ostrich burying its head in the sand or a child covering their ears when so-called adults lose their shit. Of course, too much escapism is just as bad. But, in adequate doses, I’m rediscovering the benefits of switching back to pen and paper.

First, there’s a real joy in writing something only for yourself—and not having that appropriated or misunderstood by others. Anything you write, especially under your actual name and more so if it’s nonfiction, stops being 100% yours once it’s out in the wild. It’ll be taken out of context and chopped up and reconstituted for others’ selfish aims. My journals contain words, thoughts, and sentiments that are fully mine; and only for my own eyes. In this era of constant oversharing, overanalyzing, and overreacting, it feels nice to have something left completely private that’s as simple or complex as I wish.²

I also reread a few old journals and smaller travel notebooks from my solo backpacking trips back in the 2010s. Apparently, I used those as a testing ground; many of my main ideas and arguments throughout my writing career have their roots in my diaries. All my raw-as-hell darlings are there: handwritten in various ink colors, unkilled by overzealous editors, and unmutilated by online trolls. I had fun reading older pages and tracing on which article, opinion column, or blog my old words landed unplanned.

Then again, and as I’m finding out with age (and hopefully, wisdom), not everything must be publicly answered or reacted to ASAP. Sometimes, it’s best to stop, back up, and write it down first. Journal-writing helps me release pent-up stress and overthinking/overwhelm so I have the bandwidth for other and more pressing concerns. Pausing also gives me time to organize my jumbled words and feelings into coherence, and respond appropriately. That’s if I even need to respond at all. Usually, I don’t.

That caution is necessary today. Those aforementioned raw thoughts and reactions can quickly turn into icky word vomit, hard regrets, and hasty Canva-made apologies if you’re not careful or considerate of others.³ This isn’t about political correctness, being ‘plastik,’ or self-censorship. My journals shield you from my unregulated emotions and impulses, the kind that can hurt your precious ‘Main Character’ feelings and lead to permanently broken ties and lifelong hatred. People say they love authenticity until it gets too authentic for them. So even for those who claim to love and accept me exactly as I am, some things might need light editing.

Lastly, I’ve learned that some of my memories don’t match my canon; what I wrote in my old journals and what I remember now could be wildly different. That’s also why I’m still pissed over my years’ worth of data loss. I know the contents of my brain don’t always match hard reality over time, and my perfectionist self needs to confirm what those exact mismatches are. It sucks, but I’ll have to live with not knowing.

🥊 Old-school habits vs. new-school economics 🥊

Diary-writing used to be a solitary activity, typically done in secrecy and costing very little. Any notebook and ballpoint pen would do; you didn’t have to be precious about it. Plus, I grew up in the decades before personal computers, so writing in longhand with whatever’s at hand came naturally.⁴

I started dipping into the ‘fancy’ side of journaling in my twenties, beginning with a blank Moleskine journal marketed as used by famous writers. That was my first lesson in modern journal writing: sooner or later, you’ll be roped in by branding and consumerism.

In 2014, I thought I should use just one pen and one ink for everything. That led to my first (expensive for me!) fountain pen, a TWSBI Diamond Mini Classic whose grip/section cracked and which I lost during my last house move + a 3-ounce bottle of Noodler’s Ink Burgundy. My options were limited then: Scribe Writing Essentials was the only Philippine retailer I knew of, and you could buy rare and discontinued pens only via eBay and Amazon. As for communities, Fountain Pen Network-Philippines (FPN-PH) was still a baby and still using Yahoo Groups. 😆

Things improved over time, even as I was inconsistent with my own writing. More overseas products were imported to local markets; I still have the handwritten letter and Traveler’s Notebook refills that

smlltwnq

gave me years ago. 💗 Enthusiasts and crafters also started making their own products, such as Alunsina Handbound Books for journals and Kasama for high-end fountain pens. FPN-PH moved to Facebook Groups. I began seeing more fountain pens and ink-friendly notebooks/papers in local bookstore chains. Brands like Lamy and Parker got full sales booths, and my non-enthusiast older brother found me a budget Inoxcrom 2022 at National Book Store, of all places.

In 2025, FPN-PH has close to 15,000 members; and its connected Palengke buy-and-sell group, 20,000 members. We’re less than a month away from the fifth Manila Pen Show. There are more Filipino journal, fountain pen, ink, and accessories makers producing stuff I’d gladly pay full price for. Aside from having more commercial retailers, we now have Shopee, Lazada, Temu, and AliExpress for original and knockoff products, spare parts, and accessories. Even beginners on tight budgets can now get into vintage pen trading. We also have nibmeisters; I currently have three pens out for repair with one of just three active nibmeisters in Metro Manila.

Going beyond the Philippines, YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok are full of journaling content creators making well-lit videos showing off their troves of ephemera and the usual ✨ aEsThETiCs ✨. And Subreddits like r/fountainpens and r/journaling and Substacks such as

Noted

show how others worldwide enjoy the hobby, document their own lives, and hone their skills.

I’m not immune to the call of consumerism. I now have 26 fountain pens, 17 ink bottles, and six blank notebooks plus other materials. They’re enough to get me through several years, and I should be slowing down again soon.⁵

Recent purchases: an inclined writing desk, and an instant photo printer. The enablers: the Fountain Pen Palengke group; and journaling YouTubers. 😉

But I also offer a few words of advice, particularly for those just getting into longhand writing:

1. It’s too easy to get caught up in the buying and collecting. You will see too many pretty and shiny things that too many people rave about, and you’ll feel you have to have them now. Try to resist the peer pressure. You don’t need most of these things.

2. Not all foreign-made and branded things are automatically the best.

3. Similarly, not all well-reviewed pens/journals/inks are the right ones for you.

4. Always keep your budget in mind. Otherwise, your funds are fucked.

5. Forget about aesthetics, ephemera, and trends. Remember why you’re writing and collecting in the first place! Mine has always been to document my life with affordable products. But it could be other things to others: penmanship and calligraphy practice, improving creative writing skills, appreciating antiques and vintages, or keeping notes and commonplace books.

On borrowed time

It's not like we’ve actually ever owned and dominated time, but anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m seeing an oddity in this offline hobby: while our present longhand writing communities are growing, it’s also stagnating or shrinking in other places. How many people still write pages’ worth of personal letters? Or trade notebooks? Or write in script? These have become so rare that discoveries such as an old letter from Jose Rizal make the headlines.⁶ I feel sad about this because there’s a certain romance in these texts that you won’t find now: every word was intended for the recipient, written with effort and honest thoughts and feelings behind them. They had meaning, and they were tangible.

A sadder thought: few people in America can read cursive writing or are even taught to write this way.⁷

And I’m not sure for how long I can keep journaling. I have nystagmus, a side effect of SSCD that makes my eyes move/roll to my right side rapidly and uncontrollably. It’s normally triggered by fast movements—in this case, the movement of my fountain pen nibs as I write. It makes long writing sessions uncomfortable, and it could start longer vertigo episodes if I’m not careful.

I’ve also been having this weird problem with my hands since 2021. I think it’s trigger finger, but it could also be arthritis. Whatever it is, my knuckles and joints would swell up one finger at a time, and lock up whenever I used that affected finger. Simple actions such as picking up objects and writing short notes become complicated and painful for me. The most recent case (in the pointer finger on my dominant hand) finally subsided around December 2024, after close to a year of constant mobility hell. I don’t know if it’ll happen again or on which finger.

As I don’t have the money, time, or support for invasive cranial surgery and long-term recovery, I’m slowly accepting the possibility of selling all my pens, notebooks, and inks in the future; and switching to digital journal apps. (Still a big fan of Anytype!) I hate it and journaling that way won’t be the same, not by a long shot. But I’ll enjoy this offline/analog way while I still can.

1. If you’re paying for digital subscriptions, you don’t own what you pay for; you can only access it via cross-border licensing agreements. None of your streaming songs and playlists, shows, and movies are yours. Nor your e-books. Or anything else that isn’t in physical form. It’s convenient, but it’s also extortion.

2. I live alone, so no one else will read my journals but me. But if you live with other people, maybe keep your notebooks under lock and key. No matter how much you love and trust them.

3. See: disgusting ableists like Dwight Co of Lowbrow Casual Restaurants. I truly hope he goes out of business for discrimination against (and encouraging the shaming of) Persons with Disabilities. But this calls for a separate newsletter…

4. Some examples: For a trip to New York City in 1996, I wrote on fillers normally reserved for school notes. (Yep, I lost those, too.) In school, I’d pass small notes to friends—and write long letters to people I loved (not just the required retreat letters and palanca letters!). Some classmates passed around whole notebooks that served as analog chat rooms. A former friend who’s since passed on once gifted me a handwritten Medieval-style short story—and burned the edges of each page for that old-school look. And as an adult, I’d send postcards whenever I traveled solo (thanks to a sentimental cousin for demanding I send her some, and for putting up with my emo messages 🫠).

5. ‘Should’ and ‘soon’. HAHAHAHAHA, LIES.

6. If you want to see the actual pages, it’s now archived online as well.

7. Do Philippine schools still have writing classes today? In my day, we had workbooks for cursive writing and an entire class dedicated to penmanship. Then those were ditched for computer classes.